For Parents: What I Tell Parents in the First Meeting

For Parents

What I tell parents in the first meeting

When I first talk with parents, there's almost always a layer of selling going on. They want me to know how good their kid might be, how athletic they are, what they've already done. Other times it's a kid who just wants to try it out because they're too small to play another position, or they grew up playing soccer and want to find a way onto a football team.

I understand why parents do it. They're proud of their kid and they want me to see what they see. But it also says something about the world these families are walking into, where it feels like you have to prove your kid is worth investing in before anyone will give them a shot.

The truth is, I'm not in this to find the next phenom. I want to coach a kid who wants to learn. I owe it to parents to be honest about that, so I don't play along with the selling. None of it matters as much as want-to.

I had a lot of God-given talent when I played, but talent only took me so far. I also had to teach myself technique to sharpen what I already had. Nobody handed me that. I had to want it bad enough to go figure it out. So when a parent tells me how athletic their kid is, I believe them. I just know that's not what decides how far they go.

Sometimes want-to is already there. Other times it's learned. A real beginner has to struggle through it. I'm going to give them a lot of new things to think about all at once, and for a while it feels like nothing is working. Then one day it clicks. They finally do something right and get the result they've been working for. That's the aha moment, and once they've felt it, they start to crave it more and more. That's usually when the want-to shows up.

I tell parents up front that everyone gets worse before they get better. There's quite a bit of beginner's luck at play early on. A kid might hit a few great ones the first day without really knowing why. Then I start changing things, and it gets harder before it gets easier. That's normal. I'd rather parents hear that from me on day one than worry about it in week three.

It's going to take a while. And honestly, the progress won't come from me. It'll come from them tinkering with the drills and techniques I've given them, alone at school practice, week in and week out. Support at school varies a lot, and most of the time nobody there is watching their technique closely. They have to learn to coach themselves. That's a skill that's going to matter long after football.

I play the long game with every kid. For most of them, high school will be the highest level they play. Rarely do they make it to college, and almost never to the pros. That's not me being negative. That's me being honest, and it changes how I coach. If high school is the peak for most of these kids, then what they learn about themselves through kicking matters more than any stat. So I'm in this to make sure they gain perspective: how to handle failure, how to handle success, how to navigate pressure and stress, and how to see something through when results are rare.

When I first kick with the kid, I ask normal get-to-know-you questions. Nothing out of the ordinary. Some of them are surprised I care about any of that and not just kicking. But I want to know who they are. And I want them to have as much fun with this process as I do. If it's not fun, the want-to never shows up.

Before we're done, I explain where I stand in all of this. We're in a world where specialization and private coaching feel like a necessity instead of a luxury. If you want to make it, you have to get a private coach. I just don't believe that.

Kids are stuck with all different levels of support at their schools, and then they're expected to perform at a really high level, under all that stress, at these big camps, so they can get ranked and noticed and earn a spot on a team somewhere. That's a lot to put on a 15- or 16-year-old. One bad day at a camp can feel like it decides everything.

I want to sit right in the middle of all that. When kids come to me, I want the pressure mostly off. I'm here to teach them to perform at a high level without worrying about losing their place with me. They'll get plenty of pressure on Friday nights and at camps. With me, they can miss, try something new, and figure it out without feeling like they're on trial.

And I want them to go play other sports and try other coaches. I'm not threatened by that. If another coach explains something in a way that finally clicks, great. If basketball makes them a better athlete, great. The more perspective they get, the better off they'll be.